#dont @ me im tender

[courfee]

“Regulus would be proud of us,” James whispered quietly to no one in particular, still gripping onto the painting like a life raft. 

— Tender Curiosities, Baby!  @otrtbs

[hauntingofhouses]

"why would you ship mizu and taigen together they're sooooo toxic ugh taigen is AWFUL and mizu should be with ME instead!!!"

of course they're toxic they're both deranged and terrible and that's why they're perfect for each other.

cuz like omg you think mizu would treat you well? mizu would abandon you. look at how she left ringo multiple times. ringo who treats her so well and is nothing but patient and caring and loyal. if you are insecure she will laugh at you because she has no social tact. look at how mikio said "it's a stupid dream" talking about his ambitions of regaining his honour and mizu straight up chuckles and tells him he's right because it IS a stupid dream. and at this point their relationship was cordial and she was even warming up to him!

like. arguably, taigen would be a better romantic partner (per the ideals of his time and culture of course), or at least he would be on paper. cuz i mean as a husband, as he is now, i think he'd be awful. but i'm talking about if you and him were dating or courting or just seeing each other romantically, he would be good to you. like we saw how he behaved with akemi and he was nothing but sweet and gentle. the very reason akemi wanted to marry him so bad was because she KNOWS without a doubt that he respects women and would treat her well. "oh but he cheated on her with the prostitutes while celebrating his engagement!" yeah but per the norms of the time and place, it was not considered cheating and akemi (as well as any wife or romantic partner of that period) would not have minded or even cared.

and yes taigen IS an asshole and he IS obnoxious but come on. so is mizu, if she is allowed to act like herself around you. mizu will tease you and mock you and challenge you and even poke at your insecurities (see:her goading mikio on even though he clearly did not view her teasing as light-hearted banter and took it all very personally). she would tell you to your face if she thinks you're being annoying (see:mizu rolling her eyes and telling akemi to straight up just "shut up" when she'd believed mizu had killed taigen).

mizu is not merely a hot and talented badass with a sword and the insane hyperfocus on her desire for revenge which literally drives her to withstand like, extreme amounts of damage and survive it. mizu is also flawed and the show does a good job at showcasing this, and showing us that she's not merely a victim but also a multilayered person. we see throughout that mizu is blunt and sarcastic and prideful.

oh what's that? oh right, very similar to taigen, who is also hot and talented with a sword and with insane hyperfocus on his desire to duel mizu and regain his honour. taigen who is also flawed (though, arguably, more so) as he is blunt and sarcastic and prideful.

the only thing that sets mizu and taigen apart is the fact that taigen is a man and is not mixed race, which thus affects their positions in society and how people perceive them. these are external factors. taigen being a boy who is not blue-eyed allowed him to easily mingle with the other kids in the village, all of whom were similarly fed the same prejudiced values which led them to gang up against mizu and bully her.

but take all that away. strip them down to the bare essentials. suddenly it's like they are the same person copy and pasted.

and that's what makes them even more interesting. yes absolutely they would be toxic. whatever souls are made of, mizu's and taigen's are the same (derogatory). and we literally see them fight all the time!!!! but the thing is they are both deranged when it comes to this.

do you get me. they both literally get turned on by sparring. mizu's whole spar with mikio was her way of flirting. just look at how she smirked at him and said "unsheathe it" like it's clear that this is an innuendo of not just unsheathing his weapon but also what's in his pants. then during the chopsticks fight with taigen in the snow, despite mizu literally being injured and taigen trying to attack her, mizu gets attracted to him. meanwhile taigen got a boner after wrestling with her in the forge.

taigen goes around saying he wants to kill mizu to regain his honour but he still literally risks life and limb for her constantly. mizu gives ringo stomach ulcers by going around flinging herself into near-death situations 24/7. she ups and leaves her beloved swordfather with barely a goodbye twice to pursue her batshit far-fetched quest for revenge (against people she doesn't even KNOW btw because she literally starts off with practically No Leads and not even knowing the NAMES of the white men who are her maybe-fathers).

these bitches are crazy and you know what good for them. that shit needs to be contained and quarantined though and that's why in that sense they would be good together.

i want to put them both in a jar and shake it very hard and see what happens. personally i think they will argue and insult each other while working perfectly in sync with each other to break out of the jar and then proceed to kill me and make out sloppy style over my dead body while they're both covered in blood.

like that's it that's the dynamic. send post.

[usertoxicyaoi]

"I was afraid of facing you. I can't even call you by your name."

THE NOVELIST: PLAYBACK (2021). DIRECTED BY: MIKI KOICHIRO.

[angie-long-legs-moved]

Husk: Al you should totally edge me

Alastor: Ok how's this! *disappears for 7 years*

[xxplastic-cubexx]

idk much abt thanksgiving but ik charles was very stoked abt being stuffed!

ANON.

[lukasadss]

They get to be soft, as a treat

Absolutely based on the fact i was rereading some of @softest-punk's sandman advent calendar ficlets (yeah it's the end of March, who cares dhhs) and the semi-running gag of them drunk cuddling

[tyrianludaship]

You know how it is. Just two normal people talking during their normal work normally

Proships DNI

Reblogs > Likes

(also me rambling in the tags)

[secriden]

Oh wow, what a monumental step for Diew to offer this!! I very much expected it to be something God would have to ask for.

But it also doesn't feel unnatural or unearned for Diew to be willing to try, because God is so clearly different from his ex. God has done such a good job of being honest about what he wants (in big and small ways) but giving Diew the right to choose whether he's ready to step out of his comfort zone. It makes so much sense that Diew feels safe enough to trust that God wouldn't bring him into a situation which will make him feel as terrible as his ex did.

Also it was really sweet how God offered to hang out with Game first, like he's showing how it's not a one-way street of Diew having to step out of what he's familiar because God is 100% willing to get to know the people Diew cares about and engage with what Diew likes (like with the puzzles). Unlike with his ex where it was Diew being told that he needed to change to be more like his boyfriend, God is showing he wants them to grow towards each other.

The show also makes it clear they DO have things in common - eg their love of dogs, their appreciation of peaceful spaces (since it was God who brought Diew to the riverbank), and art (even if they both have different styles, they both enjoy art/drawing). This is just such a believable relationship because it really feels like 2 people who have genuine compatibility whilst also having enough differences that each finds the other fascinating and being in this relationship is growing them both.

And God really continues to not disappoint!! Like, I definitely don't think he'd abandon his friends (he's not that kind of person) but he's also making it clear that he's willing to hear feedback from Diew and is actively checking in on Diew's comfort levels. <3

This whole episode was such a natural lead up to their becoming official boyfriends. And just look at the happiness radiating off the both of them!!

The swelling music; the way everything is shot in this kind of dreamy light, with the literal fairy string lights; the way their first kiss is so so soft and God clearly looks at Diew to check if he's okay with it before continuing! Just, great job, MND!!

[queen0fm0nsterz]

thinking about the Lady again and she actually is the Character Ever.

Starting off with her design. How ridiculously simple it is, right? Her yukata is plain brown and has a single layer, her wig (and yes, I am positive what she wears is not her hair but a wig soley because of how easily it comes undone... that kind of hairstyle is meant to STICK when done with actual hair) has no decorations befitting a woman of her powerful status and her mask is nothing but... empty. You could mistake her for a mannequin and you wouldn't even be wrong. It's by design, after all: she is as insanely important, as a figure, as she is anonymous as a person.

But then, it's with amusement that you note that that boring, unexpressive mask is called the "Rascal's mask" when unlocked. It's such an oddly affectionate nickname stemming from a person so utterly despicable. And then you notice her hair. Her long, black hair that should be hidden under her wig, as the hairstyle goes, but are instead hanging out freely. Not very traditional at all, right? You could almost read it as a small act of defiance of... something. Now, what that thing is, I doubt even she knows. Maybe it's just her way to seek individuality without having to step into zones she does not want to touch.

And then, of course, the lack of shoes. It's not uncommon for people to wear slippers in the house - especially for the Japanese - but she just... doesn't. In that small, small way, she is similar to Six - and every other child in the Maw running around barefoot. Except she's above running, of course. She's got the privilege of floating like a ghost so that she may never touch the ground.

(The only time when this rule is broken is when she fights Six, poetically enough. You can see her visibly step back.)

These strange little things are the first things that push you to wonder about her as a person. Not the title, not the Lady of the Maw: the individual behind the mask. Who is that person? What is she like? Is there a way to answer these questions? I think yes, if you know where to look - but is it worth to ask these questions considering what she does?

That depends on you. Me personally, I think there is narrative worth to be found in what she has to hide. Her foil, Six, finds value in the aspects of herself she does not hide: she is very unapologetic in her selfhood. The Lady isn't, for the most part.

(I wonder if that would make her envious of her younger counterpart in a different context?)

Frankly, looking back on her choice of attire, the fact that her personal bedroom is barely decorated is not surprising. She only has the essentials: a bed, the vase with the key, a few pictures of importance (of people long forgotten, herself included no doubt) and... an ungodly amount of misplaced clothes all over her quarters. All the same yukata, repeated over and over, maniacally folded and arranged in towers, but never where they're supposed to be.

A bedroom is the reflection of yourself. Of your inner world. The fact hers looks so barebones is quite telling about who she is. Or isn't. She herself may have some trouble trying to figure that one out.

I think that, in a vacuum, it's easy to assume that the reason she's so displeased by her reflection is soley out of vanity. That is definitely part of it, but I don't think that's all there is. Because after seeing the mannequins that all look just like her, the four women in the picture who also wear her same exact clothes... and that hidden quote.

This quote, which is from Alice in Wonderland. Specifically from a conversation in which Alice expresses how she doesn't recognise herself anymore because of how many times she grew big and small during the course of the day. She is not the same person she was before entering Wonderland.

I find the way she clings to the dolls and the music box to be much more... sombre when keeping this in mind. In a way, that scene is reminiscent of Monster Six clinging to her music box in the chaos of the Tower; an attempt to attach to something safe. For the Lady, it's even more personal. Those are her toys. Her song. No one can take them from her and claim them as theirs. These materialistic tomes are physical proof of her identity. She likes dolls, and she likes to sing that song from her music box. Surely, that much is something.

But a ceramic toy and an old music box are not really enough to placate the inner turmoil. Hence the broken mirrors, the hidden statues... the hung down portraits with their eyes scratched out - from times of the past. There is a person looking back in the mirror which she does not recognise. That can't be her, right?

It isn't. The reflection is but a faux image of her outward appearence. The inside, however... much like this concept art shows, she is melting away. Rapidly decaying no matter how much she tries to stick to her youth.

Because at the end of the day, that's what she's doing, no? The toys, the music box, her appearence... all of it, just to cling a bit more to the person she used to be. Point being that I doubt even she remembers what she used to be.

You'd think a person like this would be inclined to feel at least some sympathy for all the lost children wandering the Nowhere. A sense of kinship, perhaps, or even just... basic human compassion. She has proved to have very human emotions, after all. This is where she proves you wrong. Whenever you think she's stepped the lowest, she always goes lower.

In her humanity, she is brutal. Relentless, ruthless. She offers no sympathy to anyone and has no empathy to spare either. She is very much aware of what's going on under her roof: she not only allows the Maw to continue being the way it is in spite of having the power to change things, but she actively engages in its despicable practices. She has petrified children in her quarters, as well as their ashes - of which the use is unclear - and then she is responsible for the Nome population and exploitation being so large and so eerily heavy. She's twisted necks, broken bones, murdered innocents.

The Shadow Children are, to me, one her greatest offenses. I don't think they serve any particular purpose other than... being there because she wanted to make them. Children ripped away from their life because of her whims. Not even in death can they rest because she can get her hands on their souls. They're nameless, forgotten shadows with blank masks: they're just like their creator, in that way. Ripped of all individuality and devoid of everything.

Everything she sees, the Lady devours. Not a creature is safe from her shadows and her wrath, especially if they come and actively intrude in her activities. She's twice as aggressive if the Maw is at stake.

The Lady's personal bedroom has another motif piece which I did not previously mention: the Maw wallpaper. While Roger and the Chefs have wallpapers that portray them with her, the Lady... does not. She only has the Maw. She's not part of that picture.

The Lady can't let the Maw change its ways. She is the Maw. The Maw must survive: so must she. To change the Maw would mean challenging herself enough to bring about a change; to her, who does nothing but lament what she lost, that would be too much effort. Too outside of the comfortable zone where she can survive in peace. Miserable, but unbothered.

... For the most part. Until Six comes around.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Comte 7th Birthday Story Event Translation

Hey everybody! Been a bit of a hectic month, but you know the hype never stops for Comte in this house. I've translated the first parts of this story, with more to come as soon as I complete the rest.

Without further ado, jpnese story event spoilers below:

One day, at the beginning of October, just as the signs of autumn were beginning to deepen-- I was enjoying tea time with Comte under the pavilion of the mansion. MC: There’s no mistaking it, clear skies and the sun high in the sky…it’s nearly autumn. Comte: Yes. It’s pure bliss to be able to have tea time outside on such a pleasant and sunny day. Comte, who was sitting across from me, suddenly frowns at the oncoming breeze. Comte: But the wind is a little chilly. Are you cold, MC? MC: No, I don’t mind it…[sneeze sfx] (! What a moment for me to sneeze of all times…) Comte: …

MC: I-I’m sorry. But really, I’m okay. He suddenly smiled and stood up as I anxiously tried to reassure him. Comte: --Don’t push yourself too hard. Comte, who moved to sit next to me, unfolded his coat and hugged me from behind to wrap me up in his warmth. MC: Th-thank you very much Comte: You’re welcome (It’s warm…) While I’m ticklishly happy and delighted, Comte spoke as if he had remembered something.

Literally????? That's so cute. No notes that is the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. It's hilarious because as I was reading I was so 👀 why don't you warm her up, then, Comte. And then he immediately did and I was like AAAAAAAA BEST MAN!!!! KING!!!!!!

I have decided my new eternal location will be within Comte's coat, no I don't take criticism. This is my happy place

Comte: I’ve heard that my aristocratic friends have decided to hold a birthday party for me on October 25th this year. MC: Oh my, that’s wonderful Comte: If you don’t mind, I’d like to go with you Comte: --Will you stay by my side as my partner, MC? I couldn’t help the way my cheeks burned as he looked intently into my eyes. MC: If you’ll have me, then with pleasure When I nodded Comte beamed, his eyes sparkling with delight. Comte: Thank you, I’m looking forward to escorting you that day.

At the risk of calling him adorable 18 times in the course of this process, I will now be communicating telepathically--

(If it’s a party explicitly for him, it’ll probably be more luxurious than usual.) (If it’s on his birthday, I want to do something to celebrate him too…) What on earth should I do, what can I do to make Comte happy? (...there’s still some time. I’ll think it over.) It remained on my mind-- (What should I do? I was still mulling it over, despite his birthday only three days away…) (The time limit served to make me more anxious, and I couldn’t seem to think straight. As I walked down the hall worrying…) Leonardo: What’s wrong, cara mia? There’s a deep furrow in your brow

I love Leonardo so much sometimes, "ayo your face is all messed up, what's the matter?" this is just classic him, 11/10 never gets old

MC: Oh… Leonardo was walking by and stopped me, which was enough to make me come to my senses. (Yes, I might be able to get some good ideas from Leonardo…!) MC: Leonardo, could you give me some advice? Leonardo: Hm? I don’t mind… Leonardo blinked with surprise for a moment, before turning his face and smiling. Leonardo: Does cara mia’s problem…have something to do with ‘Comte’s’ birthday? MC: How did you… (Was it written all over my face?)

Oh MC, we really in it now--

As my voice lowered from the embarrassment of being seen through, Leonardo laughed with good humor. Leonardo: Actually, just a moment ago, Comte wouldn’t stop gushing about how excited he was to go to his birthday party with you. (Oh, I’m in love with you…) I was beyond happy--but also feeling shy about it--and all of a sudden I went pink from the neck up. Leonardo: So, what is it that you’re worried about? MC: …I wanted to be able to congratulate him in my own way, but given Comte is a man with everything at his fingertips I have no idea what to get him. I’ve been wracking my brain. MC: You’ve known him for a long time, haven’t you Leonardo? Can you give me some pointers? Leonardo: I see, that’s a very cute problem Leonardo laughed lightly as he answered.

Literally that part with MC where she goes (Oh, I'm in love with you...) had to be one of the funniest moments of identification I've ever had while playing an otome. The way she really went SOBS WAILS CRIES HE'S ADORABLE AAAAAAAA because g o d, same. I love how Comte is just that guy who gets married and is like HAVE YOU SEEN MY WIFE. I LOVE MY WIFE. WHERE'S MY WIFE--deadass it's like that one reddit guy meme (mywife is soft nd ilikeher...) from a while back.

I also think it's so cute that Leo's just watching all this from afar like ":> good for them." It just gave me such warm fuzzies!!

Leonardo: All I can say is Leonardo: Even if you have everything…that doesn’t necessarily mean you feel fulfilled/satisfied in every way possible. MC: huh… (What does he mean?) Leonardo squints his eyes a little at me when I tilt my head. He looks calm, but also like he’s looking somewhere far away. Leonardo: Why don’t you ask Comte what it was like, on his birthday, before he met you. (What was it like on his birthday before he met me…?) As I was deep in thought, Leonardo patted me on the shoulder as the corner of his mouth went up a little. Leonardo: Well, in the end, I think even if you don’t--he’ll be happy with whatever present you think of.

Honestly this is something that's frequently on my mind, and really timely in the context of the 5th bday story that just came out. Because I really do think Comte values sincerity of feeling and consideration for him a whole lot more than he does anything material. I've also been thinking about his upbringing and how it created a basis for that feeling, a kind of vacuum in his interactions with the world--in which a buried and silenced yearning keeps resurfacing despite his best efforts to smile and keep moving. Namely because he met people and had mentors who were earnest and heartfelt in their care for him, who raised him like a human child. Then he was more or less told at like 12 with zero warning: yeah you're never going to feel that again. Perform to survive and that's the most you'll ever get out of life. (Fellas...)

How to broach the topic. On the one hand, I could see how this is a reflection of a warped understanding--arguably even a kind of deeply embodied hopelessness--that his family/other purebloods imbued into him. But on the other, I can't help but feel that's just so many levels of effed up. It's not really hard to imagine how Comte lost himself, became so conflicted and distanced from his own desires. It's interesting too, because when Vlad tells him in the main story route "So you’re not going to do anything, as usual?…You’ve always been uncertain and indecisive, Comte…Even when you lost ‘her’ during the war…" and more or less goads him, I don't think I fully appreciated the meaning behind Comte's silent answering wrath at the implication. Because to be honest, Vlad was hitting an extremely sensitive point; that Comte wants more, but genuinely struggles acting on it with confidence because of his experiences and conditioning.

One thing I love about Ikevamp is that it is quintessential good writing in the sense that, even years later, I go back and I see dimensions to what's been said/felt and more layers of nuance than I'd ever imagined. Certainly Vlad's sentiment is insensitive on the surface level: he's making light of someone who died horribly, someone who died unjustly, in front of someone who felt real love for that person's life. But even deeper than that, Vlad's mocking a profound insecurity and point of prolonged pain for Comte that he struggles to talk about with much of anyone. To know that, and to use something so deeply private, is like the twist of a knife already embedded beneath the skin. It's no wonder Comte has a moment where he's inches from retaliating against his better judgment.

I feel like I also identify with this notion of feeling like something is deeply wrong, but not having the scope to be able to fully understand why or how to break away from it. I find it really realistic that Comte needed time and input from others to move away from that conditioning, to start seeing the world in a different light. Maybe even more apt, it all started with an act of courage; messy, well-meaning, imperfect--but true to who he wanted to be for the first time in his long life.

As I was spending time with Comte later that night, I couldn’t get Leonardo’s words out of my mind the entire time… Comte: --MC. [the way i hid my face STOP READING MY MIND S I R] Suddenly, Comte looked over from where he was sitting next to me. Comte: You look like there’s something’s weighing on your mind…did something happen? MC: Well… At the sound of his gentle probing, I find the courage to ask. MC: Earlier today, I was talking to Leonardo about attending the birthday party. Along the way I started to wonder what it was like for you on your birthdays before we met. MC: Could you please tell me about your birthday…before you met me?

Okay but like. I am seriously such a sucker for a couple knowing each other long enough where they just. Glance at the other and are like "aight wtf happened." It's beautiful. 100/10 hits every single time. No notes, poetic cinema.

I also love this sensibility between them where they're very good at giving each other some time to process things first. Like I can think of so many instances where Comte knew something was wrong immediately, but he waited to bring it up out of respect for her 🥺💜

Comte: … He blinked a little in surprise, but then his face clouded. Comte: …my birthday, before I met you? Comte: It’s such a boring/trifling story it wouldn’t even be worth telling as a bedtime story. MC: I’d still like to know…please, if you could tell me. I stared at him, and he let out a small sigh after I asked. Comte: --What I’m going to tell you now, it was a long time ago. Comte: There were many, many occasions in which other aristocrats threw big birthday parties for me. 

Okay, I wanna talk about this mainly because I was so genuinely shocked by his sheer...vehemence? And self-derision regarding who he perceives he used to be. Because I feel like he usually just tries to elide it, or make light of it--not the visceral contempt here that startled me. In some ways, I feel like it might be because he feels more comfortable expressing the extent of his unhappiness with how his life used to be, and that's a good thing. On the other--;-;. I just want to hug him so bad...Comte don't deride the man I love, he's doing his best and is very special to me and lovely 😭

(Flashback begins) --Music plays at a spectacular venue and various meals were provided to entertain people dressed to the nines. Comte, who was the star of the night, was surrounded by many gorgeous women… Noble’s daughter: Congratulations, Comte Noblewoman: Congratulations! Blessings, mountains of gifts, and laughter echoes throughout the venue. At first glance, it did indeed look like a gorgeous birthday party, but in reality it was just a pretense. (No matter who I look at, this place reeks of barely disguised avaricious ambition.) No matter how many well wishes I receive in a place where such vapid desires swirl, my heart will never be satisfied-- Comte: While it may have been a birthday party, ultimately everyone was there for the sake of my wealth, status, and power…. Comte: --No matter how gorgeous the evening party, every corner of the room dripping in vanity left my heart more unsatisfied than ever.

Literally I am torn between two feelings. The first being, oh Abel. King. You would have loved My Chemical Romance, you were robbed as a young vampire. Second, the sheer unabating passion I feel for his emo dismissal of their vapidities is enough to make me explode. Comte I want you carnally. There's something very real and hilarious about even rich people hating other rich people that makes me wheeze.

(To be fair, there were likely a few decent folk among them as it often happens in any demographic of people--I just think it's very growing pains mood to kind of lose hope in others. We all have that phase.)

MC: … I was speechless, and kept staring at him in silence. His profile took on a blank, empty look; it was hard to believe he was talking about his own birthday party. Just looking at that expression makes my heart tighten… Comte: On the surface, I made an effort to look like I was enjoying myself. But deep down it just wasn’t the case-- Comte: With one of my pureblood friends, I accidentally let it slip when I was talking to him that same night. Comte: I feel so…empty (returns to the flashback)

Not the dissociation taking over, king 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Although this next part gets so unhinged I was literally screaming, it's a miracle Comte is some degree of normal after exposure to whatever the hell this is.

Pureblood friend: In that case, it might do you some good to fall in love. It would be nice to fall in love with another pureblood…but it would be especially nice with a human. Falling in love with a human will fill your heart with more warmth than ever before. Comte: Why would you go to the trouble of falling in love with a human…? Pureblood friend: They are truly beautiful, incandescent in the short lives that they live. They have the spark of life that we lack. I was intrigued by the “love that transcends kind” that my friend talked about so enthusiastically-- Comte: And what happened to that human lover…? Pureblood friend: …We broke up My friend shrugged his shoulders, looking rather sad. Pureblood friend: I knew I couldn’t stay by her side forever. So I said goodbye before it became too hard. Pureblood friend: Besides, if we stayed together for too long, people would eventually realize who we really are. We are different creatures, after all. Comte: …I see. [he looks so openly upset about this ;HDSGLKHDJFGHLKSJH] Pureblood friend: But I have no regrets. Even if it was only for a short while, I was able to love someone so deeply.

Where do I even begin with this one. What kind of advice is this.

Comte: feeling the existential dread more acutely with each passing day. will the emptiness ever end? His friend: go have a human fling and that'll make everything better. just let someone else fix you

He really said "bestie it's time for hot girl summer" and I really just don't know what to say here. Like. Please don't try this at home????? That is not remotely the correct answer but also that's lowkey so insane it loops right back around to being uproariously funny. The absurdist humor just writes itself here honestly.

This is what people mean when they say those born rich and powerful are just severely out of touch with basic tenants of humanity.

I’m torn between feeling disappointed, but also understanding where he’s coming from. No matter how hot the flame of love burns--it takes but a moment to extinguish between purebloods and human people. (No, it’s not limited to love…that’s how it always is, with humans. Every interaction is destined to end sooner or later.) Every time it happens, I feel the sadness pile up in my heart. How long will I go on living like this? The only answer I ever get is that it’s eternally inevitable. I lived in fear of that loneliness, seeking to avoid it by indulging in momentary pleasures-- (End of flashback) Comte: I figured the day I would feel fulfilled would never truly come… Comte: I lived as I pleased, such was the nature of my decadent birthdays.

Rest assured, Comte demonstrates how much he took this advice with a grain of salt throughout this event--which is honestly something I love so much about him. It's clear he really only agrees on the level of how difficult it is to be close to humankind, not really the idea that flings are the universal stopgap to his despair. I do think it's true we need support from others to grow and change, but I don't think this nuance is quite captured by his pureblood friend. I think Comte felt it didn't serve as an answer that was satisfactory to him, so he did what made him feel safe until he could understand how to act on what he wanted.

MC: Oh… I get a glimpse of him as he was all those years ago, buried in the emptiness of his past. I naturally hugged him close to me where I was sitting beside him. Comte: MC… Comte murmured in surprise, wrapping his arms around me and stroking my back. Comte: …While I was reminiscing about my birthday, it seems I got a bit carried away with the conversation.

EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU MC FOR HUGGING COMTE, BECAUSE GOD SAME. THIS POOR MAN :(( 💜💜💜💜

Comte: You can rest assured. It’s already a thing of the past, that I would spend each birthday mired in such dissatisfaction.  MC: Then, what about now…? When I looked up, even from this close proximity his eyes only reflected me. Comte: --my thoughts from that time have changed ever since I met you. He touches my cheek and strokes it as if to seek out my warmth. Comte: 'Even if I fall in love, this emptiness will never be filled…' Comte: What’s more, I’ve given up on the idea that it’s futile to fall in love with a human, that I would only suffer from the distance between us… Comte: MC, you’re the one who changed everything for me.

Screaming, crying, wailing, barking, etc.

But also I feel something so real and raw in the idea that he was just tired of being forced to hide all his life. The earnest yearning for someone who can love and accept you as you are, rather than for all that you feel you have to be. The difference between love that is perpetually conditional, versus unconditionally gifted in perpetuum.

MC: Me…? Comte: Yes Comte smiled and looked up gently, leaning closer. Comte: I met you, and I fell in love with you from the bottom of my heart. Comte: In you, I found meaning in building up the “present” that we share together, accumulating into eternity. When I closed my eyes, soft lips pressed against mine lovingly. Comte: …you filled up the emptiness in my heart. The shadow that had crept into his eyes vanished just as quickly as it had emerged, filling me with relief. (“Even if you have everything, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re satisfied with it all.”...) (I think I finally understand what Leonardo was getting at…) When this occurred to me, something came to mind that I wanted to give him for his birthday…--

--It was the day of Comte’s birthday celebration. We were heading over to the party. Comte dressed me in fineries, from dresses to jewelry to accessories, for today. MC: Thank you for such a wonderful dress and accessories… Comte: It was my pleasure, thank you for indulging my selfishness. Comte: I was especially excited to dress you up to my liking, tonight. Comte, who was sitting across from me, narrowed his eyes that were tinged with love. Comte: You look stunning, every bit as much as I thought you would. It’s going to be a challenge keeping you away from everyone who falls madly in love at the sight of you, once again.

MC: Th-there’s no one like that, don’t be silly Comte: Yes there is. In fact, he’s sitting right in front of you…a man who sees only you. When I looked down, shy from all the words of praise and his unabashedly passionate gaze, the stone on my bracelet caught my eye. (This is…) I didn’t notice it when I was changing into everything, but when the setting sun’s light shone against it, the stone turned the same amber color as Comte’s eyes--a sparkling gold. At the same moment, the carriage came to a halt. Comte: It appears we’ve arrived. Now, MC, allow me to escort you. --When we entered the venue, everyone was already gathered and waiting for our arrival. The eyes of the guests turned toward us in unison. Aristocratic woman: Comte! Happy birthday! Daughter of a noble family: You look very handsome tonight, Comte! Just like the story he recounted to me of birthdays past, many beautiful women began to gather around Comte. However, Comte’s eyes were on me…. Comte: Come here, MC

"He's sitting right in front of you...a man who sees only you."

However, Comte's eyes were on me...... "Come here, MC"

S T O P KING, it's a wonder MC didn't disintegrate from the attention, I know I would straight up perish 😭🥺💜

[hisfluer]

how to connect with lucifer ? he’s such a revered figure that I feel there’s a wall between us

he comes across that way, doesn't he? well, i'll be the first to say that the wall is our making, not his. i put him so far above me that i thought there is no way he would want to associate with me but lucifer is a breaker of barriers, of chains, of limitations. he lives in the in-between, the morning star.

i would say to find the aspect of him that you wish to connect with. he is extremely multi-faceted and has mythology of all colors, has all kinds of stories and understandings. there is something of him that draws you to him, focus on that. is it the light he brings? is it the infernal / demonic force of him? is it the roman god that called the stars home? or the angel that rebelled against an oppressive force?

once you identify what part of him you want to connect with, start connecting. i suggest doing this way because he represents so many things that it feels like a lot and that can be overwhelming.

here's what i did: i lit a candle for him ( lightbringer, yanno? ) and told him that i would like to connect with him. that's all i did in the beginning. no spell, no incantation, just an honest request.

after that, i would find offerings to give (things that i associated with the aspect of him i was trying to connect with or things that just made me think of lucifer or just a cup of water when that's all i had. ) or i would pray to him. i suggest you do the same. there are demonic chants you can do or prayers but honestly, i never got much into that. lucifer and i have a big UPG relationship. you can journal and tell him how you represented the aspect you're trying to connect to that day. for example, if you're into the illumination of knowledge then perhaps you tell him of the things you're interesting in learning and how you're going to go about doing them. this becomes a devotional act and he will see this.

connecting with an entity, in my experience, is not akin to some huge incredibly movements of religious ecstasy or anything like that. it is very much the little things. i see lucifer in the sunsets, i see him in the dove coos, i see him in the apples i offer him, i see him in my learning and education, i see him in my self-love, i see him in my strength to stand up for myself and in all this, i am connecting with him.

i trust that he is there because he has shown me is through signs, miracles, and associations.

he is the lightbrighter. he will meet you where you are in the dark and he will guide you to illumination. you need only ask him.

if you have more questions or are unsure about something, feel free to ask! i know i'm not very active on the blog but i am around a lot!

EDIT: i also wrote this VERY LONG ask about him too. it might have some insights for you too.

[scatterbrainedbot]

THROWING THIS DOODLE AT YOU WITH AGGRESSIVE AFFECTION!!

Wanted to render it but ran out of time :') BUT PLEASE KNOW!! Your Rat son au is my Roman empire. I think about it at LEAST once a week, like the designs and concepts and characterization and UGH EVERYTHING!! ITS ALL SO GOOD!! AND UR STYLE?? IM FOREVER CONSUMING IT!!! Literally peek nostalgia, comfort, even thru the angst its just so perfect im-

and- and splinter just bring me so much joy. Hes so goofy and soft and I sob every time I see him, imagine getting like the most gentle and affirming hug- I would cry immediately.

AHHHH!! ANYWAY STAY AMAZING ZACH!! :D <33333

TRIONA

TRIONA. TRIONA I AM SHAKING.

OH MY GOD???? LIKE OH???? MY GOD??????? THOSE ARE MY BABY SONS OH MY GOD THEY ARE GORGEOUS AND COZY PERFECT AMAZING I AM FULLY EMOTIONAL

LOOK AT THEM LOOK AT THEMMMMM AHHHHHHHHHH I CANT STOP STARING AT THEM BUT ALSO HAVE TO LOOK AWAY BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY TEARING UP?????

I LOVE THAT U CAN TELL A STORY FROM JUST THEIR POSES AND POSITIONS LIKE MIKEY DEF CAME OVER TO PESTER DONNIE AND FELL ASLEEP ON HIS LAP SO DONNIE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO STAY AND NAP TOO (cause its illegal to disrupt little brothers sleeping in ur laps of course, same rule as cats) AND THEN LEO WANDERED IN AND PROBABLY SMILED THAT AFFECTIONATE BIG BROTHER SMILE BEFORE CURLING UP BESIDE THEM THEN RAPH CAME A LIL BIT LATER WONDERING WHERE EVERYONE WAS AND AFFECTIONATELY CALLED THEM A BUNCH OF BOZOS BEFORE TAKING A SEAT WITH THEM (in a semi blind spot too the protective little baby) AND HE DIDNT MEAN TO FALL ASLEEP BUT IT WAS JUST TOO COZY AND AHHH

UGH AND THEN OLD MAN SPLINTER COMES TO CHECK ON THEM AND THOSE ARE HIS BABIES HIS LITTLE BOYS I AM SOBBING TRIONA I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH I AM BEYOND WORDS

[destielgaysex]

the physical therapist after listening to me describe my pain as a rock stuck in my neck instead of "dull" or "sharp" : okay... and on a scale of 1-10 how would you rate this pain?

my autistic ass who just described my muscle pain from a concussion with a metaphor: a 5 or maybe a 7... POINT FIVE.

the physical therapist: .....

[cherry-treelane]

his hand on her arm/back is the cutest thing ever and yes i will be taking this two second interaction and obsessing over it

[roughentumble]

geralt who always subbed to people who treated him like shit as a form of self harm who then gets brought out of his shell to dom for jaskier

[sarka-stically]

wow so ofmd finale is terrible? not just because of THAT thing at the end but genuinely bad tv?